10 Things I have learnt...about life

Right, I have decided to start making lists. Usually, I am not a "list" person and generally try to avoid them (even when going shopping!). I am not sure why I have this aversion to lists - I guess I have never found a use for them really...until now. But recently, I have been finding lists useful especially when looking back over my life. They have helped me to calm down somewhat when I get frantic about not achieving anything in my life. In July this year, I turned 30 which was a big step and it triggered another panicked session of trying to figure out what I have achieved in the last 30 years (other than living). So I decided to start with looking at the lessons I have learnt through everyday life and how they have shaped me into who I am today. The 10 things I have listed are nothing profound or new, but I have found the process of thinking them through interesting - it was not easy narrowing it down to just 10 but these are the ones I want to share with you.

1. Every new day presents a new opportunity to make yourself better.
2. Falling in love is easier than staying in love.
3. Some friends are not meant to be your friends forever.
4. Life is too short to hold grudges.
5. Everyone has opinions - and no one opinion is better than anyone elses'.
6. You have every right to be selfish...sometimes.
7. Laughing is the best high you can ever give yourself. And its free!!
8. Never judge a person until you have had a conversation with them - it might surprise you!
9. Nostalgia can be a dangerous thing - things were not necessarily better before.
10. Taking the time to find your passion in life is the most valuable thing you will ever do.

Next blog - 10 things I have learnt...about shoes

A blast from the past

As I sat on the bus this morning, I noticed a poster on a bus that went past me advertising a new movie - "Fame". I had to look again as I wasn't sure I had read the poster correctly but then another bus came past me with the same poster confirming my suspicions....that my favourite TV show from my childhood and another '80s classic was being remade into a blockbuster movie. Why, I asked myself, did they have to go and spoil it? See, Fame has always had a special place in my heart - I used to watch it every Saturday and it made me feel like a star. For that one hour, I was at the School of Performing Arts in New York and I could dance and sing and yes, I would live forever! I think it had this same effect on a lot of people who are now in their 30s. It was a winning formula as this was a time when there were no modern dance shows on TV for teens and this show gave us a glimmer of hope for a different future where we would dance in the streets....

A few years ago, Hollywood started making remakes of '70s classics - the first I can remember is Charlie's Angels, then came Starsky & Hutch and so on and so on. I remember thinking how fun and interesting it was and gave us all a chance to compare the old with the new. But what we thought was an experiment paved the way for a standardardised format for the movie industry. Why be original when you can just use an existing idea, jazz it up and resell it for more!

It seems that a key characteristic of our modern culture today is rehashing ideas from other eras and selling it as cool and different. At the moment, it is all about the '80s. From leggings to leather bomber jackets to pink tutus, skinny jeans and bright coloured nail varnish, it is all back and being resold as cool and hip. To be honest, I have no affinity to the '80s as such (I was a child for most of it) but there was something creative and bold about that era - something we seem to have lost. The clothes were outrageous, the hair was over the top but with that there was something creative and unique. The music, the clothing but most importantly the TV shows - the likes of the A-Team, MacGyver, Magnum, Dallas, Dynasty were different and lots of fun. Since those days, I am sure many would agree that TV has not been the same and this might explain this trend by Hollywood to remake the good old shows into movies - Transformers, Teen Wolf, Karate Kid, Knight Rider and Footloose.

So what does this say about this era now - has the fast pace of technology replaced the need for being original? Has striving for originality been replaced with the need to strive for money? Maybe. Or maybe I am just being nostalgic and protective over my formative years. I am not sure Fame will work a second time round unless they change it drastically - the kids are different and have the likes of MTV, High School Musical and Step Up and a dozen other dance movies to compare it to. All I know is that sometimes, no matter how new or shiny you make something, you can't recreate that original feeling. Oh, and I will probably end up watching the new Fame (you know....curiosity and cats), and probably so will many more of my 30 something peers, but the truth is it will never be the same....

One Mojito, Two Mojito, Three Tequila....Slam!

I was at a cocktail party yesterday and the experience was thoroughly enjoyable. Thanks to a well organised host, the range and mixture of cocktails was exquisite. Each guest had to recreate their favourite cocktail and each offering was mouthwatering and divine. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love mojitos. I have spent many hours trying to perfect the perfect mojito and yesterday, I can profess that I did just that. It was perfect!

The thing I love about cocktails is the mixture of tastes - each drink holds its own ground. Made from a mixture of different ingredients, they produce a wide range of experiences. Kind of like people at a party,I guess. Get the right mix of people and an evening can be a smashing success. Like a mojito, you need the right mix of sweet, sour and then a nice splashing of fun (from the rum) and hey presto, a perfect cocktail. If there is too much of one thing, the results can be dire. Too much rum and you'll be nursing a headache from hell the next morning.

After the party, I started thinking how people's cocktail preferences tend to describe what sort of a person they are. I guess if I were to pick a cocktail that is most like me it would be a mojito - I like to think I am kinda sweet and sour and refreshing all round. One girl at the party made a delectable rum sour with watermelon - it was so lovely and moorish and after chatting to the creator of this drink, I found her character to be very much like her cocktail. The tequila jelly shots gave a kick to the party which had everyone dancing with the maker of the shots in leading the way. The Cosmopolitan was potent but just right - one of the girl's who loved Cosmos described it "dry and straight to the point" - I found her to be quite the same way interestingly enough. The strawberry Martini made by the host was delicious - it went down well with all. It was the right blend of everything and got a big thumbs up from me. The next offering which I declined due to an my dislike for milky cocktails was a White Russian. It was served in a tall glass and resembled a milkshake- like the creator, it was described as smooth and comforting.

And so the evening came to an end, with everyone jolly and full of laughs. To be honest, I probably won't remember everyone's names, but what I will remember are their drinks - so here is to the Strawberry Martini, the Rum Sour, the Tequila Sunrise, the Cosmopolitan, the White Russian and of course, the Mojito! The perfect mix for a party!!

The Day it All Changed

Three words flow from your lips and to my ears,
Triggering a violent reaction inside me
All my dreams, hopes, passions collide and shatter
You look at me, I look at you
No need to ask “When”, “how”, “why”
They say betrayal has no excuse

I can't breathe...

The lack of air drains me,
And the flash of anger dissolves away,
Throwing me into a tailspin of despair.
You look at me, I look at you,
No longer sure if I know you anymore
When did it all change?

Am I breathing?...

Your eyes, your mouth, your body tell me conflicting things
“I’m sorry”, “I love you”, “I need to leave you”
“Bloody hell”, I scream,
You look at me, I look at you
Oh my God! Oh my God!! I cry inside!
Why did it all change?

I want to stop breathing...

A tear falls from my eye, a sigh escapes from your lips
You take my hand. I look away.
Conflicting emotions, no words to say
You look at me, I look at you
The sun still shines brightly on the street outside
Who said anything really changes?

You tell me to breathe...

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell:The Secret to Success

A few weeks ago, I finished reading a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers. The premise behind this book was that certain factors contribute to high levels of success in individuals whom he refers to as ‘outliers’ i.e. the very successful. He examines the trends of people who are the most successful in our society today and he points out that “it is not enough to ask what successful people are like, it is only by asking where they are from that we can unravel who succeeds and who doesn’t”[1]. The influence of where someone was born, grew up, their family values and opportunities play a far more important role in how successful they are than we may realise.

Gladwell identifies 4 factors that contribute to successful people:
1. Upbringing – a supportive family structure with strong values and structure provides good grounding for success. Talents are normally identified much earlier in childhood and practice of the talent is encouraged which normally results in more than capable individuals.
2. Practice – as the saying goes “practice makes perfect”, Gladwell proposes that it takes a minimum of 10,000 hours to master a skill and those that achieve 10,000 hours of “practice” will become successful in that skill. The key is to identify one’s skills or talents as early as possible and nurture them to ensure that the “10,000 hours” are under the belt as soon as possible.
3. Opportunity – sometimes all it takes is a bit of luck! Those who are born at the right time, right place, with the right skill are normally more likely to make a success than someone else who is born 10 years later i.e. there can only be one Richard Branson because he was there when his first opportunity arose.
4. Confidence - Gladwell observes that confidence and high self esteem is plays another key element of success. Most successful people have a strong feeling of entitlement and will fight for what they believe in even if means standing up to those in authority.

His analysis of Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft) and Robert Oppenheimer (renowned atomic scientist) are very interesting and illustrate his 10,000 hour theory and confidence. In the case of both men, it was their family’s upper class status and values which shaped their lives early on and presented them with the opportunities that allowed them to channel their talents and perfect their talent. When opportunities or luck came along, they had the tools in the box to make a success.

Bill Gates [2] was helped profoundly by his upbringing. The opportunities he received as a child (encouragement to pursue his interests and the opportunity to practice his skills on a computer (one of the first terminal run computers) at his upper middle class school) were vital to his success and set him in the right direction. The fact that he was also growing up at a time when the information technology revolution was taking off was lucky and allowed him to carve his place in the industry. Clocking up hours and hours of programming (he skipped athletics and snuck out of his house at night to programme), meant that he mastered his skill and placed him on his path towards Microsoft.

With Robert Oppenheimer [3], it was his confidence which was instilled in him by his elite family that contributed to his ability to identify opportunities and play the game all the way to the top and not just his intelligence.
The same analysis can be applied to all those whom we see as successful today and it is interesting to see that in most cases, it was all or most of the 4 things that Gladwell identified that made them a success.

I found this book really interesting because it made me look at success in a totally different light. There are some people who seem to have all the tools in the box and blaze through life achieving success after success. The media and self help books will tell us that we are not one of the “Outliers” because we do not have the 7 Habits or the Winning Factor – their premise is that if we just read the book and think positively we will be successful. As many self help book reader will tell you, it is not that simple and yet we are encouraged to keep reading and as a result we become hooked and keep looking for the next best theory.

There has been a lot of criticism on Gladwell's “theory” – some have said it is too simplistic and dismissive of the idea that anyone can be successful as long as they have a good idea and try hard. This may be true, but if we are honest with ourselves how often does that happen? The Williams sisters are at the top of their game because of intensive practice regime from an early age, supportive family (everyone knows how dedicated their father is to their success), confidence and opportunity (had they been born a few years earlier or later, they might not have made such inroads). The same can be said of Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Facebook – he was programming from an early age, had a supportive family structure (he developed software for his family’s company before Facebook), confidence (defended his product to those who doubted him) and opportunity (he was there at the right time!).

Are there any lessons to be learnt from this book? Well, I have only highlighted a couple of the aspects he deals with in the book and it all makes for some interesting reading. What I learnt was that how we are brought up makes more of an effect on who we are than we may realise. It is not about being from a wealthy family as much as being from a supportive family and it is not simply about having a talent, it is about knowing what to do with that talent, mastering it and then being ready to take on the right opportunities. I guess the only question I have is this – are those of us who did not get the right grounding doomed to just being average?

[1] Outliers: Malcolm Gladwell's Success Story http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1858880,00.html
[2] Bill Gates: Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Gates
[3] Robert Oppenheimer: Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._Robert_Oppenheimer

Tales on the Tube

Travelling on the Tube in London is always an interesting experience. Below this bustling city, a thousand stories unfold daily and are played out to an unexpected audience. Everyone who gets on the Tube has a story to tell if you watch and listen carefully. Occasionally, you can catch a glimpse of the soap opera of life in London. Sometimes you are lucky enough to witness a budding love story that unfolds as two people shyly lock eyes with one another across the mad throng of rush hour, and at other times, you witness something so bizarre, you begin to worry about the sanity of the people you commute with every day.

For example, whilst travelling on the Northern line a few days ago, I witnessed something very bizarre and weird that left me a little baffled. A relatively attractive man got on a few stops after me and positioned himself against one of the holding poles in the middle of the train as all the seats were occupied. As he balanced himself rather precariously on the pole, he tried to adjust something on his iPod and almost lost his balance which caught my attention. To help my story along, I am calling him “Mr. iPod”. At the next stop, a "camply" man dressed with a flamboyant yellow scarf hopped on and gracefully moved along the carriage until he was standing a bit too close to Mr. iPod – I am calling him Mr. Too Close for clarity’s sake. Mr. iPod, initially unaware of Mr Too Close, suddenly jerked his head round and looked at Mr. Too Close, who smiled at him in a rather suggestive fashion. I wasn’t quite sure what made Mr. iPod jerk round so suddenly but one can only guess! An awkward moment passed as both men stared at each other, and then an air of peace prevailed as some unspoken compromise was reached by both parties. Mr. iPod seemed to be fine with the invasion of his personal space and went back to fiddling with on his iPod. What he didn’t notice was that Mr. Too Close was looking at him quite intently and was blatantly checking him out. I found this very amusing as Mr. Too Close was not being subtle about it and Mr. iPod was totally oblivious to his new admirer.

At the next stop, Mr. iPod spotted an empty seat and moved a little way along the carriage towards it and sat down. With the pole now free, Mr. Too Close did a little swing on the pole and ended up so that he was facing Mr. iPod who was a few seats away from him. With one had wound around behind his neck and holding on to the pole, he slowly reached into his pocket with his free hand and took out a small camera. He switched it on and holding it against his stomach, he began to click the camera in the direction of Mr. IPod, whilst gyrating his hips in a rather suggestive manner. His face was a picture of pure pleasure. At this point, I had to wonder what the hell was going on and I could tell everyone else in my carriage was thinking the same thing. He clicked the camera faster and faster and seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. I could feel the tension in the air as everyone waited for Mr. iPod to look up and see the show that was on just for him. A couple seconds later, he looked up and saw what was going. It took him a second to register and then his face went pale with disbelief. He realized that he was the star of some bizarre mating ritual! Within seconds, his face turned thunderous and he suddenly stood up and moved menacingly towards Mr. Too Close. Mr. Too Close, realizing the game was up, gave Mr iPod a dashing smile and jumped off the now stationary train, just as the doors were closing. Mr iPod was left standing on the train with his fists clenched up against the closed doors, and a look of intense rage. Meanwhile back it the carriage, everyone was trying desperately to avoid eye contact with each other – we all knew that if our eyes met, it would spark off a wave of hysterical laughter that could further enrage Mr. iPod.

To this day, I am still not sure what Mr. Too Close was doing but it definitely made my day. I hate the Tube but it is moments like this that make a stressful journey a little bit more bearable.

The Tears of a People...

Oh Mother Africa, hear your children cry,
We are lost in a sea of confusion and anguish,
Your children have been broken and returned to savagery.
A curse has been cast on us and left us bare,
What remains is desperation.

Oh Mother Africa, hear your children cry,
We have turned on each other – brother killing brother
Your children are dying, bleeding into your heart.
An evil has corrupted our souls and left us hungry for death,
What remains is madness.

Oh Mother Africa, hear your children cry,
We have been stripped of our nobility and pride,
Your children are living with no dignity to speak of.
A plague is destroyed us, leaving weak and defenceless,
What has remains is misery.

A Review of Maxwell's New Album - Black Summer Nights

Maxwell's new album BLACK Summer Nights is another work of genius from one of RnB's most talented brothers. It is a cool mixture of velvet tones and raw emotion that only Maxwell can pull off.

The structure and composition of the music on this album is what was expected. The subtle jazz and soulful undertones are hypnotic and sensual. In Stop the World and Fistful of Tears, the musical poetry transports the listener back to a place we have been before with Maxwell - that place where life is simple and beautiful.

The debut track off this album and my favourite, Pretty Wings, brings back those slow sensual sounds that sets Maxwell apart from the rest and combined with some heartfelt lyrics, Maxwell has produced a perfect "whisper" that evokes a range of powerful emotions that brings us closer to the core of his essence.

Through Playing Possum, we walk alongside a heartbroken lover and share in his lament. The sentiment of loss and sadness is woven together so cleverly by exceptional lyrics, Maxwell's vocal mastery and heightened by the haunting saxaphone in the bridge of the song.

After a 7 year hiatus, this album was well overdue and it will undoubtely awaken those smooth vibes in the musical landscape that have been quietened by the noisy indulgences of recent times.