Its been a while since I last wrote anything. I usually need something to inspire me to write and inspiration is something I have been lacking for a long time. Inspiration usually comes to me through life, music, the books or articles I read or people I meet. At some point last year, I stopped engaging with life. I stopped reading, I stopped listening to music and my creative mind just shut down.
The reason? I was depressed. Life had become a drag because I hated my job. I worked to live and the job started to take my life away. Each day was a chore; it was draining - mentally, physically and spiritually. It is amazing how much damage doing something you don't enjoy for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week can do. I had been in the same role for years, which in itself is not bad, but it had never been what I wanted to do. With no incentives like promotions or money, the days became longer and unbearable. Outside work, I didn't have anything else to focus on so my job had become the center of my world. My job defined me. How I felt at work was how I felt about life in general.
It reached breaking point at the end of last year. I had reached a new low and I decided I could either fall further and further into the rabbit hole (and risk a nervous breakdown), or break free and find something else to live for. It was scary and I had many sleepless nights thinking about it. When your identity is tied into what you do, it is hard and scary to divorce the two. I had so many questions, doubts, fears. Am I mad to be thinking of doing this in the middle of the worst recession in 20 years?? What would I do?? How would I survive? In such a depressed job market, how long would it take me to find a job, let alone a job in the career path I want? What if nobody wants me? What if I am not good enough?
I had no answers to these questions. But I knew something had to give and I wanted to find my happiness again. I wanted to start over and redefine who I was. Embrace my identity. Explore my gifts. Ignite my passions.
It has been 11 weeks now since I left my job - I wish I could I say it has been easy. It has been one of the hardest things I have done and it has pushed me to the limits of my reasoning and sanity. But despite this, I do not regret what I did for one second. In life there is always a trade-off, right? Well, for me, my trade-off has been stress for time. Sure I have lost my income as well, but that makes the challenge even more interesting. With each passing day, I am getting stronger and wiser. I have never had confidence in myself and what I could do, but now with each job application rejection letter, my confidence is growing and I believe in myself more now that I ever have before (strange, cos so much rejection should have the opposite effect, right?). I know what I can do, I know I can do it well and I know I am a good investment.
With all this time on my hands, I am also learning more about myself. I am reading again and writing, which are two things I really enjoy. My days are full of researching and exploring new ideas and concepts. I know how to survive on a tight budget (which is always good skill to have anyway) and have begun to explore ways of making money without necessarily having a job. Who knows, I might even start my own business!
So that is me for the moment – I will probably use this forum to share some of my self discovery and job hunting experiences. Things I have learnt, found out, stumbled across. Its a real jungle out there, but if you are brave and ready for a challenge, I think anyone can make it. You've just gotta take a chance!
Just found this article in the Guardian called Taking a leap of faith into a new career - really good article with some good advice in case anyone is going through the same stage as me and needs some more advice
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